Setting boundaries
Knowledge Center: You & your development
Knowledge Center: You & your development
Setting boundaries and saying no
Setting boundaries is a skill—and a challenging one for many people. This is especially true in volunteer work, where the culture revolves around helping and being available. Yet, it is one of the most important things you can learn—both for yourself and for the people around you.
Setting boundaries is a skill—and a challenging one for many people. This is especially true in volunteer work, where the culture revolves around helping and being available. Yet, it is one of the most important things you can learn—both for yourself and for the people around you.
Why setting boundaries is difficult
Many people fear rejection, appearing disappointing, or being seen as unreliable if they say no. That fear is understandable but rarely justified.
In most cases, others react more reasonably than you expect. And anyone who gets angry because you set a boundary reveals more about themselves than about you.
What are your boundaries?
Before you can set boundaries, you need to know where they lie. This requires self-reflection:
- When do you feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed?
- What demands more from you than you can give?
- In which situations do you say yes when you actually want to say no?
Try writing it down. Boundaries that haven't been defined are difficult to uphold.
Saying no without a lengthy explanation
You don't need to justify your refusal with a long story. A short, clear message is better than a vague excuse:
- "I can't manage that right now."
- "I don't have the capacity for that."
- "That doesn't fit with what I can offer."
You may give a reason if you wish—but you are not obliged to do so.
Be consistent
Boundaries only work if you stick to them consistently. If you say no once but say yes the next time due to pressure or guilt, you teach the other person that persistence pays off.
That isn't easy. But the more often you do it, the easier it becomes.
Boundaries in an organizational context
In volunteer work, it’s not just about personal boundaries, but also the boundaries of your role. What falls within your responsibilities, and what doesn't? What do you do, and what does someone else do?
A clear division of tasks prevents one person from constantly filling the gaps—and eventually burning out.
Setting boundaries shows respect for both yourself and the other person.
When you set a boundary, you provide the other person with honest information: "This doesn't work for me." That is more respectful than saying yes and then dropping out halfway through or becoming resentful.
Setting boundaries is not selfishness; it is honesty.
Next step
Do you find it consistently difficult to set boundaries? If so, consider assertiveness training or speaking with a confidential advisor within your organization.