Setting boundaries
Knowledge Center: You & your development
Knowledge Center: You & your development
Setting boundaries and saying no
Setting boundaries is a skill — and for many people, a difficult one. Especially in volunteer work, where the culture revolves around helping and being available. Yet, it is one of the most important things you can learn. For yourself, but also for the people around you.
Setting boundaries is a skill — and for many people, a difficult one. Especially in volunteer work, where the culture revolves around helping and being available. Yet, it is one of the most important things you can learn. For yourself, but also for the people around you.
Why setting boundaries is difficult
Many people are afraid of being rejected, coming across as disappointing, or being seen as unreliable if they say no. That fear is understandable, but rarely justified.
In most cases, others react with more nuance than you expect. And whoever gets angry because you set a boundary says more about themselves than about you.
What are your boundaries?
Before you can set boundaries, you need to know where they lie. That requires self-reflection:
- When do you feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed?
- What demands more of you than you can give?
- In which situations do you say yes when you actually want to say no?
Write it down. Boundaries that you haven't stated are difficult to defend.
Saying no without a detailed explanation
You don't need to justify your "no" with a long story. A short, clear message is better than a vague excuse:
- I can't manage that at the moment.
- I don't have room for that.
- That doesn't fit with what I can offer.
You may give a reason if you wish — but you are not obliged to do so.
Be consistent
Boundaries only work if you consistently stick to them. If you say no once and then say yes the next time due to pressure or guilt, you teach the other person that persistence works.
That is not easy. But the more often you do it, the easier it becomes.
Boundaries in an organizational context
In volunteer work, it is not only about personal boundaries, but also about the boundaries of your role. What falls within your task and what does not? What do you do, and what does someone else do?
A clear division of tasks prevents someone from always filling the gaps — and eventually burning out.
Setting boundaries is respect for yourself and the other person.
When you set a boundary, you give the other person honest information: this isn't working for me. That is more respectful than saying yes and backing out halfway through or becoming bitter.
Setting boundaries is not selfishness. It is honesty.
Next step
Do you find that setting boundaries is structurally difficult for you? Then consider assertiveness training or a conversation with a confidential counselor within your organization.